don't come back.

I'm sitting down listening to music to help me focus ,

Ever since you left, I can hardly think about essential stuff. My mind goes back to February. I remember when I was walking down the ancient asphalt with a friend speaking loudly. I turned my face and saw you. Your full lips curled up to form an immaculate smile; my heart pounded, and they too curled up in response. Why didn't I just keep walking? Why did I turn in that exact moment and see you smile? I don't understand. I never will. That's the point. Why can't I forget? If I'm not insane, these unanswered questions will surely lead me there. You offered me a ride, and I simply nodded. You drove and asked questions, I sat there, answering them. Why were you so interested? Why couldn't you just not care? You dropped me off, and asked for my number- I gave it to you with a goofy grin as an answer. We text a lot later on. It was becoming a habit; talking to you. Why didn't I stop? Why didn't you stop? That day. February 3, 2012 to be exact. I stayed with you. We laughed, and become ourselves in a way we never had before. Your lips met mine. Why didn't I pull back? Why did you lean in? We kissed. We kissed each other. You smiled; that smile that made me notice you in the first place. Right by the bleachers, you asked me to be your girlfriend. Why did you ask me? Why did I accept? I smiled so wide, and said, "Yes." I'll admit, I was at my happiest- maybe that's why I'm no longer myself. We were inseparable. Your hands would always meet mine, and when I'd gaze into your warm, brown eyes, you'd squeeze my hand in reassurance that we would be fine. We were oblivious to the world, because It was just you and I. Always and ever. That's what you would tell me, right? You promised. You promised. You said, "I will never give up on you, because for me, you're It." What happened to that? Why did you lie? Why did you leave me? We were young people in love, and anyone from the outside could sense It. That ring. That beautiful ring you gave me. That was my promise ring. That was your promise that'd you stay. My stomach did little flips, my smile in full display, my hands never leaving your skin; It was you and I. We fought a lot after. I'd cry myself to sleep. I would stay up yelling at you through the phone. You'd always come back and apologize, and I would I always take you back. When I did something that hurt you, I fought for you. For awhile, we were okay again. Why didn't you fight for me? Why give me a glass full of promises when you'd just break it? Then, the fighting started again. We weren't okay. My parents got in the way. Your irrelevant friends wouldn't leave us alone. Your idiotic brother always tampered with your mind. Can i say something? You never trusted me. You never loved me. If you had, you wouldn't have believed them. You wouldn't have let them influence the way you felt for me; It was you and I. That last day. That very last day.. your strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and waist, and I breathed in thinking, "We'll be okay." But, what did you say? You said, "If i ever see that guy, I will hurt him." My best friend- you'd hurt my best friend over a lie? You didn't even say bye. You didn't say you'd miss me. Why did you pretend to love me? Why not leave me when I wasn't so attached? It was no longer you and I. It will never be again. You hurt me so much. I can't be the girl I used to be. The girl you fell for. That girl that you used to tickle. That girl that you used to hold like there was no tomorrow. That girl that you used to kiss 'til your lips felt numb. That girl that you used to walk with every day. That girl that you would hug as we laid down listening to the music I loved, but you never liked. I will never be that girl you loved. You killed her. I'm simply the ugly outcome. None of my positive feelings are genuine. It wasn't supposed to end, because it was you and I always and ever, remember? I bet you don't. I bet you're happy with someone else entirely. I guess that's fine, because I can't force you to come back. I just wanted us. Come back, please. No, please stay away. I wouldn't be able to handle more scars, more crying, more pain. I can't. I can't. I can't. I love you so much, so stay away. I'm sitting here listening to music to help me focus. Time is passing by, and each tick of the clock is hurting me. You're still not coming back, though. It's over. I know it is. Maybe this time around, I'll be okay.