What Inspires You ?

"This storm will pass." —Unknown.

"Find something you're passionate about and stay tremendously interested in it." —Julia Child

I have a difficult time answering the question, "What inspires you?" in a detailed, thorough answer. The need to be a better person today than I was yesterday inspires me. My aunt, currently attending UCLA, who had a tough year, but still manages to succeed and stay happy, inspires me. Whenever i read a post about someone who exploits any circumstance to reach full success or about someone who is happy, because they did something they feared to do, i am inspired. When I see all of my peers' masterpieces and presentations, I am inspired. The thing is, i find inspiration in the littlest of things, as well as the biggest. When I looked up the word inspiration, it stated that it is the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative. I instantly agreed with the definition, because that's what I define it as. When it reads "something creative," my mind is instantly brought to a labyrinth of thoughts and actions I have yet to do. In a earlier post I wrote: inspire or be inspired. I don't want to just be inspired, I want to inspire. I want to inspire people to smile more often because our only Earth will theoretically combust in a time that is unknown, and life is short, and no matter how much of pain life can be, It goes on. I want to inspire someone to speak out loud and do what they are afraid to do, because usually the opinions of others don't matter as much as they think. Better to be proud than sorry. When I asked my friend what inspired him, he answered, "my mother." I wasn't surprised by that, I was surprised by what he followed with. "My mother, because she gave up so much. She loved even when she had very little reason to be happy, and now she's as strong as ever, and lives a pretty good life. I want to be that way. I want to love, and be strong, and live a good life." Even that answer just gave me hope. Inspiration. When I asked a fellow follower on twitter, her answer was simple, "When I wake up alive, I am inspired to be the best, because God gave me another day to do so." Another one gave the a common answer of, "Beyonce inspires me." What I am trying to emphasize here is that there is no right or wrong answer as to what should inspire you. It could be your dog for all I care. The relevant concept here is to be inspired and let it motivate you and interest you in a positive way to make you a better version of yourself. It's to inspire someone, so that they could feel a little less afraid, a lot more bolder, and full of confidence and the desire to do what they love. I'll end on this note, creating this blog, and writing my heart and soul out, and creating words that flow thick in the air inspired me to do as I want, because I know what I want to do, and nothing or no one can stop me, because for once I have strength; for once I am the characters I write; for once I am exploring all the things I am afraid of; for once I am owning every second this world has given me and continues to give me, and I hope that is inspiring even in the slightest. 

don't come back.

I'm sitting down listening to music to help me focus ,

Ever since you left, I can hardly think about essential stuff. My mind goes back to February. I remember when I was walking down the ancient asphalt with a friend speaking loudly. I turned my face and saw you. Your full lips curled up to form an immaculate smile; my heart pounded, and they too curled up in response. Why didn't I just keep walking? Why did I turn in that exact moment and see you smile? I don't understand. I never will. That's the point. Why can't I forget? If I'm not insane, these unanswered questions will surely lead me there. You offered me a ride, and I simply nodded. You drove and asked questions, I sat there, answering them. Why were you so interested? Why couldn't you just not care? You dropped me off, and asked for my number- I gave it to you with a goofy grin as an answer. We text a lot later on. It was becoming a habit; talking to you. Why didn't I stop? Why didn't you stop? That day. February 3, 2012 to be exact. I stayed with you. We laughed, and become ourselves in a way we never had before. Your lips met mine. Why didn't I pull back? Why did you lean in? We kissed. We kissed each other. You smiled; that smile that made me notice you in the first place. Right by the bleachers, you asked me to be your girlfriend. Why did you ask me? Why did I accept? I smiled so wide, and said, "Yes." I'll admit, I was at my happiest- maybe that's why I'm no longer myself. We were inseparable. Your hands would always meet mine, and when I'd gaze into your warm, brown eyes, you'd squeeze my hand in reassurance that we would be fine. We were oblivious to the world, because It was just you and I. Always and ever. That's what you would tell me, right? You promised. You promised. You said, "I will never give up on you, because for me, you're It." What happened to that? Why did you lie? Why did you leave me? We were young people in love, and anyone from the outside could sense It. That ring. That beautiful ring you gave me. That was my promise ring. That was your promise that'd you stay. My stomach did little flips, my smile in full display, my hands never leaving your skin; It was you and I. We fought a lot after. I'd cry myself to sleep. I would stay up yelling at you through the phone. You'd always come back and apologize, and I would I always take you back. When I did something that hurt you, I fought for you. For awhile, we were okay again. Why didn't you fight for me? Why give me a glass full of promises when you'd just break it? Then, the fighting started again. We weren't okay. My parents got in the way. Your irrelevant friends wouldn't leave us alone. Your idiotic brother always tampered with your mind. Can i say something? You never trusted me. You never loved me. If you had, you wouldn't have believed them. You wouldn't have let them influence the way you felt for me; It was you and I. That last day. That very last day.. your strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and waist, and I breathed in thinking, "We'll be okay." But, what did you say? You said, "If i ever see that guy, I will hurt him." My best friend- you'd hurt my best friend over a lie? You didn't even say bye. You didn't say you'd miss me. Why did you pretend to love me? Why not leave me when I wasn't so attached? It was no longer you and I. It will never be again. You hurt me so much. I can't be the girl I used to be. The girl you fell for. That girl that you used to tickle. That girl that you used to hold like there was no tomorrow. That girl that you used to kiss 'til your lips felt numb. That girl that you used to walk with every day. That girl that you would hug as we laid down listening to the music I loved, but you never liked. I will never be that girl you loved. You killed her. I'm simply the ugly outcome. None of my positive feelings are genuine. It wasn't supposed to end, because it was you and I always and ever, remember? I bet you don't. I bet you're happy with someone else entirely. I guess that's fine, because I can't force you to come back. I just wanted us. Come back, please. No, please stay away. I wouldn't be able to handle more scars, more crying, more pain. I can't. I can't. I can't. I love you so much, so stay away. I'm sitting here listening to music to help me focus. Time is passing by, and each tick of the clock is hurting me. You're still not coming back, though. It's over. I know it is. Maybe this time around, I'll be okay.

Inspire Someone .

There's a lot of people who seek to inspire. There's a lot of people who are in need to be inspired. Then, there's the people who just struggle there way through life without inspiration. Recently, there has been few presentations on masterpieces. From my point of view, everyone talked with knowledge of their topic, and full of love for what they do, and for what they've learned. That may not seem inspiring, but frankly to me, It was. I don't talk much; let alone talk about what I enjoy with full enthusiasm in front of intimidating teenagers, but In my past blog posts, I've mentioned to just go for It. Here I am, shy as ever telling someone like you to go for It when I am not even doing it myself. Doesn't that seem full of hypocrisy? I thought so. So, I don't have much time, but in addition to talking about what I love, I'm going to complete this challenge. This challenge of speaking about me, what I love, and what I've learned in front of people. It's not just me and my computer anymore. I am challenging myself to do this, because I've been inspired. So, thank you. I present on Wednesday the 28th, and I truly hope I have the guts to speak about It, instead of showing a prezi. Inspire or be inspired. 

the wise words that melt in my hands...

Writing is me,

I am writing.

I write to be me,

to be me, i write.

writing.

I've been so into quotes for quite a bit now. Some are lines in my favorite books; others are simply wise words from wise people. I say some. I read a lot of them. I understand these all. I act upon few. I love them all. 

"The only people who ever get anyplace interesting are the people who get lost."

— Henry David Thoreau

"Seduce my mind, and you can have my body. Find my soul, and I am yours forever."

— Unknown

"i didn't know what to do anymore so I got lost, and according to Henry David Thoreau, to get lost means to go somewhere, so I am going somewhere interesting."

— Samantha Perez

"I'm as plain as anything can get, baby. But, my love for you is extraordinary."

— TMA

"I don't know a perfect person. I only a flawed person who Is still worth loving."

— John Green

"She was the ocean, and I was just a boy who loved the waves, but was completely terrified to swim."

— Christopher Poindexter

"Never let your fears decide your faith."

— Awolnation

"When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did."

— John Green

"You never get me. That's the whole point."

— Alaska Young

"I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, but I am in love with you."

— Augustus Waters

"My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations."

— John Green

"Now, I've got the resources and the environment to have a truly creative existence. And I do find genuine happiness in that."

— Matt Healy. ♥

"Behind every beautiful thing, there is some kind of pain."

— Bob Dylan

"Now I'll be bold as well as strong. I'll use my head alongside my heart. So tame my flesh and fix my eyes."

— Mumford and Sons

"You filled up my glass with promises that could never last, and I still find pieces of you in the back of my mind."

— Kodaline

My future tattoo: I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. 

— Robert Frost

Words. Words. Words.

I decided to put lyrics from all my favorite songs, and jot them down randomly. It was like poetry from the creative minds of others. ( I don't own any of the songs )

The only way you can know

Is give it all you have

And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain

Don't care if we bend,
I'd sink us to swim,

I gave you something you can never give back, don't you mind?

All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed

Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best dance,
Your best look
You're praying that you make it.

I'll give you one more time
We'll give you one more fight
Said one more line
Be a riot, cause I know you.

I want a new life (start over)
One without a cause (clean slate)
So I'm coming home tonight (yeah)
Well, no matter what the cost
And if the plane goes down
Or if the crew can't wake me up
Well, just know that I'm alright
I was not afraid to die.

His Daughter .

Everything's gonna be alright.
She whispers to herself
She was only 6 years old that night
As she hid behind that shelf
Cuz daddy had a little too much to drink
And mama didn't want her to feel the pain she felt
But she still felt the pain...

Well 10 years they came and went
And dad was gone
So she looked for love in other men
And tried to act strong.
Broken hearts and Scars in only places she could se
Cuz she just wanted, she just wanted to feel something

And as she sat there on that bed
thinking bout what those girls said
tears streamed down her eyes
She cried...

If there's a God out there
Please here my prayer.
I'm lost and I'm scared
and I've got no where else to go
I've come a long, long way
But I'm not sure I can make it much farther...
So if you're listening, could you give a helping hand
To your daughter.

Well her path started to change
She reached out and grabbed God's grace
And finally, she saw a light
Until that night...
Where she decided one drink was alright
and one thing led to another
Next thing you know, 9 months go by
she's a mother.

And as she lay there in that bed
Stroking that small angels head
Tears streamed down her eyes
She cried...

If there's a God out there
Please here my prayer.
I'm lost and I'm scared
and I've got no where else to run
I've come a long, long way
But I'm not sure I can be the best mother...
So if you're listening, could you give a helping hand
To your daughter.

Well that baby grew into a boy
Who became her pride and joy
He loved her like no man could
And her heart felt peace, cuz she finally understood
God's love.

And as she layed there in that bed
99 years old
She grabbed her songs hand and said
There's something you must know...

There is a God up there
Who heard my prayer
I was lost and afraid
And I had no where else to go.
I had know clue, what to do
And then He sent me you.

So if you're lost and afraid
and you feel so alone
don't worry child
cuz there's a Father who will love you as His own
Just like he loved his daughter.
Like he loved His daughter.

I was the sunlight behind your curtain ..

 I've always read books. Always. Some leave a huge impact on me. Others, are read simply to pass time. But, I always come across one book where I get overwhelmingly emotional that I cannot read it in public. I associate myself sometimes with the characters, and sometimes the situations in the book hit home. I was reading, "Looking for Alaska," and two scenes really got to me. The whole book did as a matter of fact, but these, I'd say, are my favorite: 

Just like that. From a hundred miles an hour to asleep in a nanosecond. I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So, I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane. 

Then, Where Alaska quotes: 

You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome It will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape from the present. 

The first one really just made me appreciate the way he talks about her. The way he respects her. The comparison at the end is what really made me like this. I was drizzle and she was a hurricane. The second is what I most relate to. It's true. And, that's why I need to change. 

This book made me, unfortunately, think about my ex boyfriend. I was the sunlight behind your curtain- is what I want to tell him, and It was true. I was about the only positive person in his life, but he took that for granted, and now I only have 2 years worth of memories to haunt me. 

Sometimes I'm an emotional wreck, and other times, I want to be happy. 

I think I want to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find It. 

I've realized that living in the future Isn't remotely rational. At all. 

I need to live. Not just survive. 

Find what you love and let it kill you

- Charles Bukowski

Hi There ..

Smile. 

You are still alive. You are breathing. Someone loves and cares for you. You are great despite your flaws.

Work hard and be nice to people.

Miracles can happen.

What you seek is seeking you.

You're beautiful, and you have every reason to live.

xxxxxx

..................

Misfortune Events.

A lot of terrible things happen in this world.

The good and the bad are just what we divide our memories into, categorizing them into organized recollections so at any given time we can rank through those files and sought them out. We savor the happiest ones of course, because some may just be a little too upsetting to remember.

I just happened to relate to those bittersweet memories in an awful circumstance.

I don't mean to call out a pity party, but I can't ever remember being fully happy. The most I've been is content with what I've got, and what I've experienced. I do an okay job at blocking painful, unnecessary things from my mind. I wouldn't call It being oblivious, because I do acknowledge what I've gone through, but I choose to not dwell on It. There's always those days where It's all my mind shares with me, though. I am left in a corner where nothing but all my misery is displayed, and It makes me cringe, and shed into tears. Though, I hardly cry- I push back. I don't know If that's rational or not. I know I'm not alone, though. I've got this wonderful man who picks me up when I fall down named Christopher. He makes me smile so effortlessly, and he's always there for me. Always. I can't begin to say how I appreciative I am of him. Then there's my two best friends, and all they do is try to protect me, and their name are Chelsea and Tobias. They both help a lot. The fact is: you're never alone. No matter how much It seems like no one cares, there is at least one person who does. 

I won't go into detail about all my misfortune events, but It was pretty difficult for me to get past It; In fact, I'm not all that healed yet. I'm still fragile. 

It's okay not to be okay. That's what teenagers don't understand. They are pushed to their limits and have so much weight on their shoulders that they forget to speak. To listen. To seek for help. To smile. To live. They feel like being weak is such a terrible thing they fail to realize that's okay. Some lives are lost. Some lives are ruined. I wish people would be far more caring. This world can be a shit place. There doesn't need to be shit people. 

I'm rambling on pretty much, but this is such a broad topic I could keep on writing, but that would bore people. 

Some nights are made for torture, or reflection, or the the savoring of loneliness. And that's fine, too. Misfortune events happen all the time. That's how life is. But remember: it's okay to be weak. 

hermosa.

In order to know the butterflies, I have to deal with the

caterpillars. 

I can't just breeze right through life as lovely as that sounds. I have to work hard, and deal with difficult problems and decisions. Everyone does. It's life. Just keep going. Don't stop. Even if you don't make it to where you've wanted, your hard work would have landed you somewhere. That's the thing; no matter how tough it gets, or what/ who you have to deal with it, you have to overcome, or else, you'll never enjoy the beauty that life really is. La vida es un lucha hermosa. 

and that's.. how i live.

“I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of.”

—	Joss Whedon

Some people use their willpower to not eat a heavenly box of chocolates. I use it to wait; to have patience. To wait for something that I can associate myself with. For something that gives me hope that I will be the person who I am when I write. When i write, I feel I am a different character- one with more strength and courage. When I write I can imagine myself in front of thousands of people talking about life. Yes, as odd as that sounds. I know I haven't lived much, but I'm starting to realize what life is. I'm not going to whip out a scientific definition of life, nor a spiritual one. I don't define life that way. In fact, I don't define life with words. Life is more about actions. Life is doing what you love. Life is loving who you are. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. I believe that living and being alive are two wholly different things. Living is being who you are, taking risks, and enjoying life. Being alive is just that; having the necessities in life, but not taking an extra jump. Life can be a roller coaster. There's twists in turns in life, and you just have to hold on and make the best of it. What I'm trying to say is: find a reason to enjoy living. Moping be damned. Find it, and hold on to it.  After all this time, It still seems to me like straight and fast is the only way out  - but I choose the labyrinth. The labyrinth blows, but I choose it. And that's.. how I live. 

no post today, but..

How can someone see so much light in something? 

-- the Diary of Preston Plummer.

on the outside.

It's so close to graduation. I don't know If I'm scared or excited. I think it's a combination of both.  Maybe anxious. I really don't know. What i do know is... I feel disappointed. I'd say at life, but really I'm more disappointed at myself. It's senior year- no, it's the end of senior year, and I have yet to spend this school year with no regrets and going for what I want. I mean, I never say what I want. If I think something, and it might be the wisest thought, I never open my mouth and speak up. I'm never as bold as everyone else is, so I take notes while everyone speaks their mind and the whole time I'm contemplating whether or not to let myself- my mind- radiate. That's just one example. Socializing is another. It's my first year at Righetti, and in my past school, I had the same set of friends as i did in elementary, so I didn't need to meet new people. Now, i do. In order to enjoy the school year, that is. There's a lot of people I talk to- during class. I laugh a lot with them as they joke around with me, and I can't help but think, "Why can't we hang out sometime? Even if it's to do schoolwork.." But, i don't tell them, so I go home, and do what I need, then read, and sleep. I hate living like that. I've always dreamed of adventures. I know once I graduate, I can do that, but I want to do something now.While I'm still in high school. I don't want to pity myself, and I don't want anyone else to pity me. I just want to live the life that I want. I hate the whole concept of, "Should I?; What If?; and "I should have." I think we ought to share how we feel. If you like someone, tell them- whether or not they like you back, tell them, because you'll never know. If you want to kiss someone that is interested in you, do it. Don't hesitate or It might be too late. If there's a grand opportunity that will help you in a positive way; why the hell contemplate? Take it. Share ideas you have. Take a little more risks than you ever have. Don't just dream, make it real. In some situations, it's better to not think, and just do and feel. Forget about people's harsh judgements and commentaries, and just live how you want, and I don't mean that in the cliche of, "smoking weed, and partying every weekend," I mean living with no regrets, and having the balance of what you need and want to do. On the outside looking in. That's how I feel, and I don't want to feel that way anymore. These next few weeks, I am going to enjoy life- my way. No more holding back. It's not ideal nor me. I just want to be myself, and be loved the way I am. If that's too much to ask, then I don't care. That's how I feel. And it matters. In fact, don't let anyone tell that you or your opinions don't matter, because they do. Never let fear of others, keep you from speaking up, and it sounds like I'm repeating myself, but I can't say it enough. 

I'm just jumping on topics, because I'm writing every single word that is passing through the walls of my mind right now. Some days, I feel vacant, but right now, I could swear a load of thoughts are just racing each other in my mind in this very moment. But if i sit in rain, maybe I could drown in something other than thoughts, because I have a headache, and I think It's to urge me to write. I'm so conflicted on a lot of different things that vary from life to school and classes. It's my huge dilemma. So, before I go to sleep I think I will just write out the old fashioned way my ideas and what I need to do. That always helps in situations like these.

I've wrote stuff about living and such, now maybe off to a less important topic- like boys. Boys. I don't know what to say when it comes to a certain boy. I don't have a boyfriend, and I could admit that I'm never looking for one. I'd like to think I wait; that old saying comes to mind: If It happens, It happens. Some people bring out the worst in you. Others bring out the best. Then, there are rare, addictive (metaphorically) ones who simply bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you'd follow them straight through hell just to keep getting your fix. I can't really say much on this topic. I guess a broken three year relationship ruined.. this.. for me. I try not to think about it too much, because it drives me crazy. All i can really say is: I'm scared to fall again. To let someone know me and my deepest thoughts or something as simple as what I like, because I get this hope that It will turn into something good, then when they leave, pain will once again be the strongest of drugs. That's the thing about pain, It demands to be felt.

I don't know. Don't be on the outside; live a little.

hopes.

I might post stuff irrelevant to the usual. but, as my last post said: I do as I wish. I wanted to share this song, because I found it intriguing. I liked it all. Maybe you won't. But, it never hurts to try out new things, so listen to it.

 

 

the band is named Kodaline. the song is High Hopes. the lyrics is what I liked most. the video might be a bit odd, but like the old saying says: don't judge a book by its' cover; in this case, it's video. 

i do as i wish .

Insecurities and Dreams ...

People ask all the time, "What do you want to be as you grow up? The answers tend to vary from realistic ones, to dream ones. Nonetheless, they're what you want- what you wish. Now, what do I want? This is the most difficult question for me. I cannot answer it even if I was being handed a million dollars. I cannot simply say what I want. That's our dilemma- us, the people growing up. We want freedom and independence, but when given it, we immediately feel overwhelmed, and think, "What do I do, now?" It's all about insecurity, too. Most of us tend to think of the way we look when it comes to the word insecurities. That's not what means. It means: uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. When we think of what we want, our dreams, and our hopes, we fall back a bit. We get insecure. That's what I want to overcome. In fact my dream is to overcome my insecurities. Then, I could accomplish any goal I set. I want to have a mind of my own. But, I know once I do, I will need assistances; It's only normal. So, for now I want to overlook my insecurities. I want to exploit the circumstance and take advantage of a positive situation as any opportunist will do. I wish to become an opportunist. I do what I wish. I do as I wish.